I lay here and think to myself, "Why do I keep asking for permission to love you?"
Why do I feel the need to ask you for your permission to say that "I like you", "I want to be a part of you again", I just want you to understand: I want you.
I have never felt this way before; not even when Ancient Language played all my heart scores. Not when I found myself running a restaurant and working 12 hour days . . .
Not even when I closed my eyes and walked away.
There is nothing as sweet as the taste of your lips, or the way that you speak that this soul, you uplift. Your words are always bright and your energy, like the molecules vibrantly spinning around in the air, giving us all so much love and light.
I constantly tell you that you're such a blessed soul, and the woman that will have you is the luckiest I know.
Hiding my eyes with both hands; when my heart sinks deep and I think of those days. . How can such a man exist, you know, the one we believe only comes to life in our dreams?
I know this man that exists, and I want to give him everything.
That is why I stay far away, I try to keep my cool and ignore the strings that he's pulling, drawing me closer his way.
I need time to catch a break, to catch myself and enjoy this space.
But all I can see is that day on replay, when you walked right pass that door and created your own home within me to stay.
I tell myself "wake up from these dreams," . .I can't turn away. I'm all broken up inside because I can actually see us being best friends (again) and creating more than what our eyes meet.
"Does he feel the same?"
"It's impossible for him to feel this way!"
I better stop telling myself these types of lies, just "go with the flow" and everything with be just fine.
I'm always learning the hard way that love comes when we least expect. It's nothing we can prepare ourselves for and it's not really something that we can direct. I have to stop giving myself so little credit, and I have to stop denying myself of what I deserve. There is no such thing as someone being "too good" for you.
In love, none of that matters. Resonance, support, wanting to become better, growing and learning, sharing wisdom and knowledge, doing all the things that make you feel alive with one another are what's most important. Forget the exterior. . All that matters is what's internal~ your heart, your soul and the way you utilize those things to shape what you desire to experience on Earth. I'm so grateful for love , even if it's not mine to keep. I give thanks for his soul, because for me, he & Dzhokhar are the most inspiring; motivating!